my eyes are totally swallon right now...didn't really sleep much well how can I?? my phone got stolen again!!!! that's not the only thing i'm piss about..the thing is is the second where my phone got stolen in a freaking youth gathering....sometimes i feel people telling others that they are christians and people expect christians to have the 10 comantments in their fingertips...but unfortunately not all has that...yesterday i went to the kids telematch youth party...and unfortunately my phone got stolen there when we were doing cleaning...before everything started i gave my camera and my phone to justin to care of it for me...and he did....he did a WONDERFUL job...but i took it back from him cause i thought he was going home or something and i put it in my bag...and started to clean the St Thomas hall...and the next minute i found out my phone got stolen...i just broke down at that spot...i couldn't breathe...it was so hard for me...i just fell right there...but everyone helped me...they hold me...guide me...comfort me...and i'm grateful for that....welll not everyone st least everyone that was there at that time...some had went home...obviously who steals something from other people and still stay at that place....it was hard before i got back on earth and realise this is just another satan's work....to destroy children of God...i may know that this is just a trap from the satan to go away from God...and phone is just a material so it wouldn't disrupt my spiritual faith....but.. but i had so many questions at that time welll i still am thinking about it...Why???Why is this happening to me??? Why twice???What is He trying to tell me???Why is it always me me me???only me??? Why???.....all the Whyssss just started popping out in my mind but no one can answer it only God...but now i have no idea how!!!
i realise after this incident that among my family i'm the worst...i'm the one that always cause the trouble...sometimes i just can't explain to anyone that it's not my fault....my mum was saying that she is so annoyed with me...she said even my sisters in UK call her if they want to go anywhere...and me?? i didn't call her when i went out last night...i told her i was going out...before i went out i told my dad...but i didn't call my mum cause she was visiting so i thought it's ok i told daddy so it's alright...but my mum got angry cause i didn't call her...i just don't understand...everytime if i go out i will tell my mum but my dad no...and my dad don't get angry...he just felt as long as my mum knows its fine...but why can't she knows that too???why???she felt it one time last nite how about my dad...he felt it most of the times...do u think is fair...well this morning wround 2 AM i even thought of running away...but i didn't...i thought of that because being here just hurts my mum more so why don't i just go...anyways is no use me being here...it's always my sisters (both) is the best....sometimes words from our own parents could just hurt us...and not only hurt us but even leave a scare in our heart...my dad and my mum always like my sisters more then me and my bro...we both know...we just kept quiet... both of us is always compared by them...we are always the useless one...well at least they ever said that to me...so i rememeber...being alone at home now....is so scary...i can't communicate to anyone...i can't even talk to my mom or dad...i'm the only child left now...all of this things...i know it doesn't mean my mum doesn't love me...i know she does...but sometimes what she say really hurt me a lot it's just she doesn't know...right now...i just want to burst out and shout super loud...but sadly i can't do that...my mum asked me to help her with the ipod...restore it and all...she don't get it...i restore it and all things will be gone...yea u sync it but all the songs that will go in the ipod will be the one from my com not the previous one....i've been trying to tell her...but she insisted it wouldn't and just now i went to their room to help my dad...she started scolding me saying i don't help her in anything...and insisted bout the ipod...i csn't explain to her...sometimes i really hav to agree with my dad that she is so stubborn...she always thinks she's right...fine!! sometimes she is...but sometimes she's not...she has to hear other opinions too....as me being the not smart unlike my sisters...obviously is hard...and now i just finish my pmr and if i don't get it...what else will they say...i thought i could prove to them that i can do it!!!...so we'll see!!!now...tears just can't stop flowing from my eyes...how i wish i could be in the beach right now....i miss me smiling...how i wish i could smile and laugh now...but even if i do smile now it's not cause i'm happy it will be totally just a fake smile..sigh...my eldest sis is coming back soon...well for 5 days...so i have to smile again...i can't talk to them about this because it's just so hard...because none of them understands...wells...i have no idea how to fix the router...
P.S i'm offically band to go to youth starting from now!!:( well practically all the youth activities...i only can go for the church service...only that!!!( i have no comment on that)---most of teh things i love to do i can't even do anymore...(lyk playing with the kids...spreading the word of God to them...study group-learning more- all i can't do anymore...fine learning more i can do it still...)WATEVER!!!